Frustration is up waiting to stun patience..

I hate giving up when I see there's a glimpse of what can be..

But, whether I like it or not, it's pretty obvious that Temporary Admiration was disguised as Hope, and now that I just removed their mask, do I play along with TA or wait for Hope to come through and make their appearance?? Or just let it go..

I think this will be the last thing I write about this situation if the path continues along this downward road. I think I'll allow these messages to be seen, and the feedback will determine my decision.

But this time, I'm going to present it in a way where I will NOT accept a current mood/feeling as an answer/reaction, I need a solid concrete answer so that I can remove this sense of confusion.

I'm not being as asshole about any of this at all, but at the same time, it's hard for me when I reveal so much and each question thrown at me is answered with an "I don't know" or an excuse to cover up what is truly going on.

One more time.

They want me to stop..

That's REALLY their advice. Fuck it if I lose, I'm not trying to find the perfect method. I'm simply trying to perfect my method.

Should I stop calling women who are special to me beautiful?? Should I stop being that "perfect, sweet guy" and start being that "dog" that doesn't give a shit about a woman's feelings??

NO. Seriously, I'm pride myself in who I am, and if I'm myself to a woman and she doesn't appreciate it, then fuck it, it's neither hers or my fault. I've been in plenty of shitty situations when it comes to relationships. I'm always hurt when I've been the good one, and this is not a biased sentence at all. I've been able to maintain myself so well that even though it all went to shit, there's only positive words to go in my direction. I show love and receive it back (only to those who have seen my heart and felt it).

Women are missing out. I'm not this clingy asshole who feels the need to find some type of formal completion. My take on wanting/needing a woman is that my purpose in life is to give back. People need to stop being so selfish. If you can't give materialistically, then give back with what you do have. And that's what I do..

I love being a positive influence. I love being the man who can alter a woman's negative perception on men. And I love giving a woman what she deserves. What every woman deserves..

So if you're beautiful, then that's that. I don't necessarily throw the word around, but I make sure to use it when I feel like I should..

If I use those type of words with you on a frequent basis, then you really are a special person to me and should be to everybody else, they just don't realize it yet...Because I can see your heart, I can see that beauty inside of you. Staring into the eyes of a beautiful heart...wow...you just can't help but feel intimidated, happy, energetic, complete, and etc..

If I can't be near that heart of yours, should I complain?? No. I should just keep doing what I do everyday, and that's hoping/wishing that that heart of yours gets acknowledged and treated with respect. That beauty of yours will continue shining no matter what, don't change. Just learn and appreciate.

It's always nice to smell your scent...I admire it. I know I seem like a very forward person, but that's not it at all. I just see it all. I notice all, and I know this.

I'm not a crazed fan. I'm one of those fans who actually cares about the deeper issues other than your work or what your most known for. So a meeting with me, a conversation with me, and a large amount of time wouldn't be this weird interaction in which I feel more than you feel. It's all in the face..It's all in what you and I believe in..




I'm not going to stop. One day, whether it be soon or days/weeks/months/years away, I'll remain myself and continue delivering over and over again. Maybe these people aren't deserving?? Well, I think they are, whether you agree or not. My heart replenishes on a daily basis, so I'm fine, I'm cool, still my sky is blue, when you're trying to make my world pitch black..

Content about my content. Love is beautiful. Again, I'm fine, I'm cool. I will be calm forever. I will be me forever.

And then I continue on to say, Hello beautiful :)

But in the sense that, I will not be corrupted..

Wait Hope..

I need, I need something from you..

There's so much love to pass around..

You say you want me, but I remember who you are..

I didn't think I'd go this far..





Come over here and ride it out..

Alright Hope..

Maybe I should give up?? Or have I even been trying?? I'm not really sure, but the thing is...

I do see Hope...but then Hope walks away..it's like she's mad at me. Her feelings towards me fluctuate. And of course being the person I am, I allow Hope to walk in and out on me willingly.

Should I be mad at her?? "Not at all, I'm the one to blame, I'm at fault"

Now you see the relevance of One Day Weeknd...wait..I haven't mentioned it on here yet...well, I guess I'm foreshadowing a project that foreshadows four shadows...TAKE THAT!

I wish Hope would comply with me. She needs to realize that I will NEVER take her for granted. Why?? Because I'm always the one that's taken advantage of...all the fucking time!

But it's nothing that I'm mad about. I'm truly and sincerely use to it. So mentally AND experience-wise, I know how she feels...she's just very hesitant, but like all good things, it'll take time for her to feel comfortable with me. So Hope, take your time. I will never see you as a false individual.

I even surprise myself as to how long I can keep my arms open, so I'll be waiting..

Girl put in work, girl girl put it work..

I feel really awkward for doing this or even saying it, but when I need to say something, I do so.

I have A LOT of feelings for her.

But for some reason, I don't think I should. We have this amazing connection (from my perspective at least), but there are a couple of constraints in terms of us being able to begin a relationship. I'm not afraid to start a relationship under any circumstances, but not everyone is like that...I just want to say that there is NO possible way for me to frown when I speak to her. The beauty this person has (internally and externally) is incredible to me that I can't help but feel this way.

This is a very strange feeling for me. Not that I have these feelings, but..There's only a few women that can cause me to be nervous around them, sort of like an intimidation factor I experience. But then there's also another feeling I have when I'm super comfortable with someone. I love BOTH these feelings, and to experience both of these when thinking of or speaking to her is awkward and overwhelming.

It's not that I'm obsessed or really (x5) like her. Nothing like that.

It's that I think she's a beautiful and amazing person that I truly admire. Someone I feel that I would love speaking to more and would love treating with my heart. That's all. None of those deep, underground feelings yet. That'd be a bit over the top for me at this point with her lol.

All I ever talk about is..

MY FRESH #SWAY

#SWAY #SWAY #SWAYALLDAY, #SWAYSWAYSWAYSWAYSWAY #ALLFUCKINGDAY

Sunshine is a Friend of mine..

Maya takes the time to try and understand me..

Am I Allowed??

To go from this..

To this..

Then from this..

To this..

I mean....should I just stick a certain trend so you can easily identify me?? I should..but I rather not, so I'm fine..

So I need ideas?? (Third Appeal)..

If I HAD to somehow categorize these, which I hate..but for the purposes of making life a bit easier to the listener, these would be categorized as followed:

(Non) Fictional Love Story = R&B

Project The Project = Hip-Hop/Trip-Hop/Electronic

inJUSTICE = Electronic

Fluxtuation = dubstep

The Application: Front and Back = ??


Note: I didn't mention "The Consideration: Mind Meets Heart" because that was put out some time ago, so it's not as relevant to what I'm trying to get at here..

and The Application is unknown because I have little to no idea what I'm actually putting in there and the release for that is not even on my mind lol.

BUT the point here is...I need a 3rd appeal!

All the upcoming things I'm releasing are a bit different than the usual and I know a portion of it may appeal to some, and a portion of it may appeal to others, but I need a 3rd appeal to appeal to those in the middle, those who rather listen to strictly Hip Hop/Rap...

So to anyone, I need suggestions on what I should release in between those, or if you like what's actually coming from me. I've done many remixes, have a mixtape out, which is both online(not youtube) and YouTube...so if there's a particular song that you like, and would like to hear more of that type, then please let me know :D..

Vicki Leekx..

This MAY be my all time favorite mixtape EVER! :O

But it's hard to say since I can't really compare it to a Hip Hop mixtape since M.I.A. is...well, M.I.A.

Either way, it's an incredibly amazing mixtape! I've listened to it start to end at least 50 times...but that's just me lol. Even burned it onto a CD for my multiple purposes I guess..

But these are the youtube links if anyone would care to join me in swagging out to this mixtape for its entire 36+ minutes

or in M.I.A.'s case...sway sway, sway sway sway sway sway..

/\/\ /\ Y /\..

For some reason, buying this made me SO FUCKING HAPPY!

M.I.A. - /\/\ /\ Y /\

I really don't understand how people/critics thought about this album negatively, but fuck it, I LOVE this album, and I LOVE M.I.A...It's not like I blindly just bought this though. I've been listening to it, but when I stand by an artist, I will stand by them and purchase their material, whether it can be downloaded for free (illegally) or not. I download albums all the time, but it's the rarest possible thing for me to actually buy an album, so this is serious lol. I'm going to buy Kala and Arular also, so yeah.. :)

Anyways, even though I came to admire M.I.A. pretty late I guess, it's really never too late honestly. Just because an album came out in, let's say, 2005, doesn't mean that if you didn't like it or notice it in 2005, you should ignore it. Fuck that, music is timeless and endless.

This song...wow...actually this album..

I can pretend that I'm not lonely

But I'll be constantly fooling myself

I can pretend that it don't matter

But I'll be sitting here lying to myself

Some say love ain't worth the buck

But I'll give every dime I have left

To have what I've only been dreaming about

We all want someone there to hold

We just want somebody

We all wanna be somebody's one and only

We all wanna be warm when it's cold

We all want love..

This song makes me feel incredible. I love it. I love her. Fuck it, I'm a Rihanna fan, a strong one. Should I not be?? I don't give a shit really. That's one of the faults of categorizing. I'm "suppose" to like a certain type of music, but I constantly defy those rules :)


Talk That Talk..11/21/11..only album I'm buying this year.

(Non)Fictional Love Story.. Download Link..

http://hulkshare.com/j8hxu5056tzt
http://hulkshare.com/j8hxu5056tzt
http://hulkshare.com/j8hxu5056tzt
http://hulkshare.com/j8hxu5056tzt
http://hulkshare.com/j8hxu5056tzt


Enjoy, I know she did at one point..

Shout out to Guillermo! The only mention (other than her) I made lol..

(Non)Fictional Love Story.. The Intro..

Today (11/8/11) was the day I said, "Fuck it, I'm uploading this mixtape that was never intended to be a mixtape"..

I NEVER intended this to be 10 tracks long..

I NEVER intended the title to be a "choice": You can either refer to this as "Fictional Love Story.." or "NonFictional Love Story.."...you know why?? Well, I'm not going to spill my guts, but some people know the back story to it..

Each of these songs were written for "her"...My EX...one of the strangest and complicated loves I've had..

When I say these tracks are personal...I mean, these tracks are PERSONAL!

The only thing I'll explain/say about the title is that everything I put into these songs is real...but some of the facts became fiction..and at this point, what is deemed "true" about that relationship..that situation..is completely out of my hands..

I was at lost, but now I'm not...So this isn't a "come back to me please!" kind of thing...She's seen and heard every one of these songs, so I'm releasing this as "I poured my heart out track by track, I created music out of these strong, yet strange feelings, and this is what I have to show for those times we shared"..

I'm not going to rant and be pissed at what happened in my situation, fuck complaining. I'm way past that point. I'm cool, I'm keeping myself busy, and I'm seemingly unaffected.

So when I do post this, enjoy! (my gentleman persona SHINES in these songs lol)

Oh and quick note: There is a reason why the woman in the Mixtape cover is barely visible..that is all lol.

And they wonder what goes on in my head..

A unique perspective is one of the few things one has..

Ever since I learned about the word "verstehen", which is the German word for "understand" but also defined in sociology as the ability to put oneself in another's shoes, I felt I had the power to take on one's perspective..

It's possible, and I feel like I can do this pretty accurately, however there's just these minor details that cannot be understood or even explained.

Verstehen is much much more complex than simply empathizing, because anyone can "empathize", you can act empathetic, and you don't require much knowledge. But as I was saying, the point is that yes, I might be able to perform this pretty well and so can others (I'm not special whatsover lol), but one's perspective isn't as simple as that person may think. It's hard to really say that you have a true understanding of what your own perspective is because there are so many unconscious sides to it.

Why am I saying all this?? I really don't know honestly, my perspective on this subject can't be explained in one blog post, or even thousands of blog post..there will always be something left out...I feel like watching Vantage Point now, lol. Such an awesome movie, really.

But I guess if I had a purpose for reflecting on this is that as much as I want to feel alone in this world, I'm really not. The fact that I could never be understood is not unique to me. Everybody in this whole world cannot be understood fully, but this is not a bad thing.

We can then hold our perspectives tightly and realize that when there's nothing left around us, we own more than we think.

This is just one of my ways of saying: appreciate what you have (mentally), know what you're capable of doing so that you don't let yourself get overtaken, and trust in yourself more.

Everyone's unique, everyone's beautiful in their own way, we just have to realize it..

I hate feeling like I'm preaching, but shit, random thoughts just hit me out of nowhere and fall right onto this blog..

But then I have to do this just in case..

I gotta get with the rhythm so I could feel better..

How can you be comfortable, when life's so unpredictable..

I WISH I could simply do what I love, put myself in a position I prefer, and feel how I want to feel...but I can't.

I have to make sure I do what is necessary to live comfortably, put myself in a position that will secure my well-being, and contain my feelings...sacrifice.

Blogging makes me feel better, having company in my ear makes me feel better, making music makes me feel better, being in the comfort of my own echo makes me feel better...I'm glad I find at least some time to do all of these here and there. I'm thankful for that.

Project the Project
inJUSTICE
Fluxtuation
The Application: Front & Back

All of these will come in due time..

I wish I had even more time for Music..she deserves more attention from me, but don't you go calling her an attention whore! -_-

And as I run away..

just know that it wasn't because of you..
just know that it wasn't because I was avoiding something..
just know that it wasn't because I was distracted..
just know that it wasn't because I had any problems to deal with..
just know that I'm safe in my own direction...in my own mind...in my own world...in my own city..

My safe haven...I love you.

And this was just for..

The sole purpose of randomness..

Here come a barrage of random shit!...3....2....1..

M.I.A. is cool as hell..

Flux Pavillion is cool as hell..

This song is pretty fucking awesome :D

alright next..

Give me ONE good reason why I should not love this album?? One of my favorites of all time...one of those that you can go from Start - End, and replay again..without skipping.

Alright one more random thing..

It suits Rihanna most definitely..but I still fucking hate Umbrellas.

I feel so awkward holding one. I'm stubborn as hell when it comes to using one, where I won't use won't...ever! Only reason I might use it is if I'm sick or I need to protect something valuable (it was my laptop that needed the protection today)

But yea, I don't get along with Umbrellas. they have a grudge against me and don't like to cooperate much..

Then they like to pick fights with other umbrellas while I'm walking. Like WTF?? Do your job before I throw you in the trash! I mean..that's a bit harsh lol. I just don't like umbrellas, plain and simple. I'm more of the "It's just rain" kind of guy. Fuck umbrellas....fuck umbrellas. lmao.

Random shit of the day :)

And I don't think I should..

but then I do..

Everybody knows how shitty the world is. If not, go watch Season 15, Episode 7 of South Park..

Anyways..deaths, racism, anything negative out there...Are you seriously going to let the horrors of this world bring you down?? Am I going to let a racial slur affect my entire mood??..

To me, that's stupid as hell. And that's why I use a defense mechanism..

Comedy. I guess it's not a "valid" psychological defense mechanism, but even famous comedians consider this to be one of the reasons why they take part in slandering-type comedy. If you take everything the world dumps onto you so seriously, you're just going to eat yourself up alive from all the negativity.

Fuck it, I really don't care if anyone calls me a spic, an immigrant, a dirty wetback, etc. You can call me whatever the fuck you want, but am I going to pout about it??

Y'all can tease me, I don't give a shit..

I'll probably make a comeback that's 10x better than anything you can think of, but for comedic reasons..

If I say anything racist, obscene, or sexual, it's for fun and it's to take this shitty world and the shitty aspects of this world and turn them into some form of positive light.

For example: Michael Jackson died..ok, cry about it?? No. Michael Jackson is a flaming pedophile who wished upon a star so that Caylee Anthony can join him on his death "bed".

Do I care about either one of them?? Can't say that I specifically do, but it's never a good thing when someone dies. Is it wrong to joke about them?? Yes and No. This isn't simply about semantic meaning. My intentions aren't "fuck MJ and Caylee". My intentions aren't negative whatsoever.

Now, let's say a true White Supremacist made disrespectful references about black people (kind of drifted away from my first example lol). They base a large part of their lives following a certain belief about black people. Their intentions are completely different than mine or anyone who ridicules about this kind of shit in a non-harmful way..

I can easily say, I hate niggers, jews, and spics..Is this a heart felt feeling?? Fuck no. Dave Chappelle tapped into a lot of this shit when he did the Chappelle's Show. It's not uncommon to make fun of people, cultures, and lifestyles when your intentions are solely to create a positive light for negative aspects..

Being racist is fun, you niggas can't hang with me son, O-K-K-K, hate the game?? I'm making it fun..

You hear something you don't like, see something you don't like..what do you do?? Take defense (defense mechanism) by making light (or fun) of it..Pretty simple actually..I hope I'm understood.



I'll end this by saying, Fuck every single race, fuck Jesus, and fuck Chris Brown..

^__^

And it comes so..

Give it to you over again, over again, over again...over again..

What I do, how I act, how I speak, how I treat women, how I go about my day..anything else??..Well, all that comes naturally.

It's better to have "good" fall from your heart onto the world, rather than conjure up some good, and give it to the world..

Let it all fall into place..

..over again, over again, over again...over again..

And I treat them like this because..

*readies for an extremely long blog post*

This will be edited immensely since this is a HUGE part of my persona..

but let me start off with this..

and then this..

Why do I love women?? Why do I respect them??

It just happened really..through both these two great albums of course.

I really started having control of my mind around 2006. I'd like to consider my previous years to be "years of unconsciousness". Technically I was conscious and breathing, but outside influences were such a huge part in my thinking process that I didn't feel in control (why I conformed, wanted to be cool, etc.).

Point is, R&B is amazing. The right type that is. And I felt so influenced, not only by the words of each song, but the mood, the mindset, and the fantasy each elicited. (by fantasy I mean how I would want to see my world and what I consider to be perfect).

I was taught by two teachers, Joe and Ne-Yo. Sometimes they would bring in some surprise guests, but for the most part, they were my main instructors. Mind you, I was taking more than one class.

So for me, the mindset of the "perfect guy" is instilled in me. I can't do no harm to a woman, physically or verbally, I just can't. I think I'm mentally incapable of doing so..

Then, Ne-Yo came out with "The Year of the Gentleman". My favorite Ne-Yo album to date and one of my all time favorites..

Why not make being the "perfect gentleman" seem like the cool thing to do?? Sadly, this still hasn't caught on. One of the few things I would love to become a trend. I respect men who hold this type of mentality in their head, because for me, I would love for all women in the world to be treated like royalty. They are the direct representation of what life is.

Then there are the, let's say, "fake" gentleman. The sweet-talkers. Whatever you want to call them. How to distinguish them easily?? Well in my opinion..

Gentlemen respect all people. Men and women.
Why treat anybody like shit?? Because they did you some kind of harm??..Haven't you heard the saying "Treat others as you wish to be treated" or the simple notion of NOT stooping down to someone's level and hold your ground??..I'm done here..(I guess there are SOME exceptions. I mean there are, but their reasoning is hidden)

When one doesn't get their way, why insult them?? I've seen/heard so many cases where a proposed "gentleman" treats a woman correctly throughout their relationship, but the minute she breaks up with him, he starts insulting her, calling her a "bitch", "cunt", etc. And then the woman can utter the phrase "Now your true colors show..". For me, of course I get sad, and of course I get angry. But I never blame her. I blame myself. I guess this is a form of projection. Project my anger for the relationships collapse onto myself. But as I was saying, insulting in general is ridiculous.

The perfect song..

And then I just think...this is how I feel, I mean...is it??

I REALLY don't like to force myself to be a certain type of person (another difference between real gentlemen and "fake" ones). Again, it just happens..It's such a natural feeling to me..*plays Nature Feels by Frank Ocean*..ummmm..*thinks of another blog post*.

Anyways, for example, I don't speak properly just to seem presentable. It just happens really..
    So for me, I don't force my "beautiful"s, I don't force my compliments, and I don't force my good gestures. My mind just ended up adapting to this feeling, this mindset, or even strongly, this lifestyle. Yes, it truly is a lifestyle.

It's the Year of the Gentleman. Every year for the rest of my life. Every day of each of those years..

Beautiful women. Beautiful hearts. Beautiful feelings. Life, she's beautiful. Life = each woman involved in it..

(again, editing will happen on here from time to time)..

And I rather be..

But I ain't really that normal to begin with. With normal comes a form of boring, and I dismiss it..

Do I pride myself in being weird?? Do I stress the fact that I'm weird?? Do I try to be weird for the sake of being different??

No. But I do admire it. I'm not going to force myself to being considered "normal", or try to conform for that matter..

I love my weirdness. But then...people have the notion of the term "weird" being defined solely as "odd" or "bizarre". Words aren't as one-dimensional as one may think. Think of the ambiguity one creates when they call a girl "bad". "Bad" in itself carries a negative connotation, but when used in certain slang, it carries a positive connotation. Yeah, bad idea to use slang as an example lol. But semantic ambiguity is very common..

So....with all that being said, when I speak of being weird, I put a little more focus on the "different from standard or norm" definition. You know, where some antonyms would be as such: normal, regular, common.

To me, weird = interesting. And just like the quote I stated, being "normal" can be pretty boring. I know when I meet somebody new, I want to find certain traits or aspects of them that differs from the general population.

Weird people are cool, and I know a lot of them. Some don't like being characterized as weird, but fuck it, not everybody likes to grasp the notion of weird being a synonym of interesting.

Ummm..I may add more to this post, or make a new post related to this, who knows?? I'm weird :p..

And as I step away..

Lately, I took a large step outside of the type of music I listen to. Hip Hop still appeals to me, but I needed to find more artists that I could rely on. In that spectrum, I could only rely on a few artists for music I could consistently admire (as in, I enjoy all their songs, and not just an album/mixtape). Some of these include, in order: Charles Hamilton, Rihanna, Ne-Yo, and maybe Mickey Factz..(there's more, such as Joe, Big Sean, Kid Cudi, and maybe Fabolous, but those are the most notable ones for me)..

So I started listening to to different genres..moving from trip-hop, to electronic, and to Dubstep. Some rock and progressive house as well.

I must say, I enjoy ALL of these. And I feel less one-dimensional about what I listen to.

Adding on to my favorite artists: Skrillex and deadmau5

I could name about 10-15 artists whose music I like as well in these genres, such as Flux Pavillion, but when I stand by an artist, I need to have listened to about 90% of their material, and have enjoyed about 70-80% of it. Flux might be added soon tho..

Going back to that first category of music I mentioned, for example, I DO like most of Kanye West's, Eminem's, and even Drake's material..but..

There's a difference between liking their music and HAVING to put their music into your mp3 player..It's a necessity that you have their music playing in your ears on a daily basis.

I can live my life without Kanye, Eminem, or Drake..I feel the need to have Charles Hamilton, Rihanna, Skrillex, etc..on my Music library..

Anyways, Music is fucking awesome. In every shape and form. It's an art (yes, just used a cliche)..

We should be able to spread our horizons and learn more about the types of music out there. I've always been tolerable to all types of music, but now I can say I'm a fan of different genres.

I am, and probably will forever be, considered a Hip Hop Head...you know, the "true" hip hop fan who knows the difference between a Nas and a Lil Wayne or Waka Flocka..

I hate being categorized..oh wow, just writing that made me think of this song..(and I'll just end this post on that note...with that sample)..

Project The Project..

This MIGHT be my Mixtape cover..Thoughts??..

Anyways, Project the Project..hmmmm..This is a mixtape I decided to work on at a time I started listening to a lot of deadmau5. I LOVE his music.

So, the story is, I found a FREE project that he put out, which I'm pretty sure was his first, called Project 56.
It's not much to listen to, not to say it's not good, but what I got from it was that it was meant for him to give some sort of a preview of his work so that his fanbase wasn't held up. When I first heard it, I found so many incredible sounds. And they fit perfectly with the type of music I wanted to delve into.

I can loop up tracks pretty easily (not really an art/craft), but the point is, this Project had a lot of Hip-Hop feel beats, which of course was of the Electronic genre as well. So my idea was to loop up some of the sounds I enjoyed the most off the project, and make songs out of them.

I'm pretty much rapping, adding words, PROJECTING, my voice onto these loops...therefore, I arrived at Project (my voice, my lyrics, my thoughts) the Project (Project 56)...Project The Project.

That wasn't too hard lol..

Free Mixtape of course, no profits, no marketing, none of that. This is solely being made as an appreciation of  deadmau5 and his sounds, and to release another Darc G (that's me, of course) project. I love my words, I love what I'm capable of doing with them. I hope when I'm finally able to release this, that I get positive feedback and that it's understood. (Even though I said I couldn't be fully understood, portions of me, being this project, can be)..

Cool, glad I got that out ^__^..

PTP..

Is this instance, I should rid of my existence and print this anonymous note that a common kid, stating I can't reside in this territory that defines me as a blind being..
..
Well get up! Crumble up the letter now..

Really listen to this song, I mean REALLY..

I don't throw lyrics together and just record..If you did listen, or just read that quotes up there ^, yes, this song is about a Suicide note. (not for me, not that I felt this, you know, before anyone gets ahead of themselves lol)

I just felt as though I wanted to bring this concept in. Basically, this song takes you from the feeling of wanting to commit suicide, to hearing inner thoughts tell you that life isn't fair, but you're given a fair chance to live.

Go ahead and quote me on that line up there ^. But to reiterate more, the song is about not letting Life down (I capitalized "Life" because I personified it), and to move forward, show Life that you deserved this opportunity. "Life" is a beautiful woman that you want to impress.

Fuck it. She can be rude about the ways she goes about running our world, but if Life kissed our ass our whole lives, we wouldn't learn to appreciate shit or learn to become independent. (compare it to parents spoiling their children).

But what do we live for?? We receive less even when we give more..

And with that, we should..
just keep going, keep going..

This is NOT..

A blog about Basketball..
         Although I will talk about the NBA from time to time..
A blog about my Music..
         Although I will explain/connect my music with my words..
A blog about advice..
         Although I will offer some thoughts about certain concepts I find interesting..

Just to make things clear..

This is just me. I may get personal. I may get critical. I may get ahead of my self with my music in promoting it. I really don't know, I'm just going to let this blog happen..

Simple enough, right?? Just the way I like it (=D)..

And I feel like..

..Promises, and they still feel all so wasted on myself..

Amazing song/remix.

My thoughts on "Promises" (not the song), are that they're a way of gaining trust. Promises are being broken everyday now, where the phrase "I promise" means shit to me now because of how much I've seen people use this so loosely. I want to go back to a time where we kept our word, where defiance wasn't so expected, and that we took promises more seriously.

I respect those who are able to keep up with their promises, and those that even though they can't come through with their promises, that they acknowledge that and don't promise anything in the first place.

You got me so wild, how could I ever deny. I feel good in my situation (something I won't and is hard to explicitly state), and I love it when I can trust people to fully deliver on their promises.

And you keep telling me, telling me that you'll be sweet. And you never want to leave my side.. - I can proudly deliver on this, any takers?? lol. But really though..feeling good is important. thinking positively is important. And projecting this positivity is important as well (this can be done through promises, not breaking them, being by their side, etc...get it now??)..

Beautiful music. beautiful minds. beautiful hearts..

Blogger vs Tumblr..

I thought about resurrecting my Tumblr, but then I stopped..(yes, I have a tumblr)

I don't like it. I see why people do though. To me, it's mostly reblogging funny shit, pictures of interest, quotes, gifs, etc. And there are a lot of numbers involved...I hate numbers.

Numbers hurt. If you think about it, a lot of what Social networking does is expose your numbers and your statistics. (eg. number of likes or friends on Facebook, number of reblogs a post on Tumblr received, followers on Twitter, etc.). Numbers, in this case, are judgmental cues. They open a window in front of you for people to judge you, whether it's directly or in their own mind.

Not that any of that shit matters to me, I just rather not have to associate with that kind of environment, even though I do keep my Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. Contradicting I guess, but it's all about whether you allow certain information to enter your thought process or not.

But in the end, Blogger seems more based on creating your own words, making up your own mind, and saying what came directly from ideas shaped inside of your head. Tumblr to me feels like you're just copying shit, relating to others' interests, and creating a collage rather than a representation of yourself.

It's cool though, I enjoyed it for some time. It's not for everybody, same way Blogger isn't.

New Experience..

I guess since this is my first post, I should attempt to introduce myself. Well, I'm not going to...or maybe I will?? Well for the most part, those who see this first will already have an idea of who I am, but with what I want to introduce about my self will be scattered within each post I do create..

No. You don't understand me, and that's not the point of my existence. I don't try to have people understand me, but it is a motive for getting to know me and for being associated with what I do (who doesn't want to achieve the impossible?? lol). But it's more so about being able to respect and trust that I have good intentions and I plan on bettering myself, those I love, and those around me.

But if you do read, this is not therapy nor is it a coping technique. This is just a way to get myself out there for those who want to know more of what the fuck is in my head, to express some random thoughts, and possibly to clear some air.


I think I should add a smiley face at the end, just so this shit doesn't sound/feel depressing.. (=vD)--|--<