Frustration is up waiting to stun patience..

I hate giving up when I see there's a glimpse of what can be..

But, whether I like it or not, it's pretty obvious that Temporary Admiration was disguised as Hope, and now that I just removed their mask, do I play along with TA or wait for Hope to come through and make their appearance?? Or just let it go..

I think this will be the last thing I write about this situation if the path continues along this downward road. I think I'll allow these messages to be seen, and the feedback will determine my decision.

But this time, I'm going to present it in a way where I will NOT accept a current mood/feeling as an answer/reaction, I need a solid concrete answer so that I can remove this sense of confusion.

I'm not being as asshole about any of this at all, but at the same time, it's hard for me when I reveal so much and each question thrown at me is answered with an "I don't know" or an excuse to cover up what is truly going on.

One more time.

They want me to stop..

That's REALLY their advice. Fuck it if I lose, I'm not trying to find the perfect method. I'm simply trying to perfect my method.

Should I stop calling women who are special to me beautiful?? Should I stop being that "perfect, sweet guy" and start being that "dog" that doesn't give a shit about a woman's feelings??

NO. Seriously, I'm pride myself in who I am, and if I'm myself to a woman and she doesn't appreciate it, then fuck it, it's neither hers or my fault. I've been in plenty of shitty situations when it comes to relationships. I'm always hurt when I've been the good one, and this is not a biased sentence at all. I've been able to maintain myself so well that even though it all went to shit, there's only positive words to go in my direction. I show love and receive it back (only to those who have seen my heart and felt it).

Women are missing out. I'm not this clingy asshole who feels the need to find some type of formal completion. My take on wanting/needing a woman is that my purpose in life is to give back. People need to stop being so selfish. If you can't give materialistically, then give back with what you do have. And that's what I do..

I love being a positive influence. I love being the man who can alter a woman's negative perception on men. And I love giving a woman what she deserves. What every woman deserves..

So if you're beautiful, then that's that. I don't necessarily throw the word around, but I make sure to use it when I feel like I should..

If I use those type of words with you on a frequent basis, then you really are a special person to me and should be to everybody else, they just don't realize it yet...Because I can see your heart, I can see that beauty inside of you. Staring into the eyes of a beautiful heart...wow...you just can't help but feel intimidated, happy, energetic, complete, and etc..

If I can't be near that heart of yours, should I complain?? No. I should just keep doing what I do everyday, and that's hoping/wishing that that heart of yours gets acknowledged and treated with respect. That beauty of yours will continue shining no matter what, don't change. Just learn and appreciate.

It's always nice to smell your scent...I admire it. I know I seem like a very forward person, but that's not it at all. I just see it all. I notice all, and I know this.

I'm not a crazed fan. I'm one of those fans who actually cares about the deeper issues other than your work or what your most known for. So a meeting with me, a conversation with me, and a large amount of time wouldn't be this weird interaction in which I feel more than you feel. It's all in the face..It's all in what you and I believe in..




I'm not going to stop. One day, whether it be soon or days/weeks/months/years away, I'll remain myself and continue delivering over and over again. Maybe these people aren't deserving?? Well, I think they are, whether you agree or not. My heart replenishes on a daily basis, so I'm fine, I'm cool, still my sky is blue, when you're trying to make my world pitch black..

Content about my content. Love is beautiful. Again, I'm fine, I'm cool. I will be calm forever. I will be me forever.

And then I continue on to say, Hello beautiful :)

But in the sense that, I will not be corrupted..

Wait Hope..

I need, I need something from you..

There's so much love to pass around..

You say you want me, but I remember who you are..

I didn't think I'd go this far..





Come over here and ride it out..

Alright Hope..

Maybe I should give up?? Or have I even been trying?? I'm not really sure, but the thing is...

I do see Hope...but then Hope walks away..it's like she's mad at me. Her feelings towards me fluctuate. And of course being the person I am, I allow Hope to walk in and out on me willingly.

Should I be mad at her?? "Not at all, I'm the one to blame, I'm at fault"

Now you see the relevance of One Day Weeknd...wait..I haven't mentioned it on here yet...well, I guess I'm foreshadowing a project that foreshadows four shadows...TAKE THAT!

I wish Hope would comply with me. She needs to realize that I will NEVER take her for granted. Why?? Because I'm always the one that's taken advantage of...all the fucking time!

But it's nothing that I'm mad about. I'm truly and sincerely use to it. So mentally AND experience-wise, I know how she feels...she's just very hesitant, but like all good things, it'll take time for her to feel comfortable with me. So Hope, take your time. I will never see you as a false individual.

I even surprise myself as to how long I can keep my arms open, so I'll be waiting..

Girl put in work, girl girl put it work..

I feel really awkward for doing this or even saying it, but when I need to say something, I do so.

I have A LOT of feelings for her.

But for some reason, I don't think I should. We have this amazing connection (from my perspective at least), but there are a couple of constraints in terms of us being able to begin a relationship. I'm not afraid to start a relationship under any circumstances, but not everyone is like that...I just want to say that there is NO possible way for me to frown when I speak to her. The beauty this person has (internally and externally) is incredible to me that I can't help but feel this way.

This is a very strange feeling for me. Not that I have these feelings, but..There's only a few women that can cause me to be nervous around them, sort of like an intimidation factor I experience. But then there's also another feeling I have when I'm super comfortable with someone. I love BOTH these feelings, and to experience both of these when thinking of or speaking to her is awkward and overwhelming.

It's not that I'm obsessed or really (x5) like her. Nothing like that.

It's that I think she's a beautiful and amazing person that I truly admire. Someone I feel that I would love speaking to more and would love treating with my heart. That's all. None of those deep, underground feelings yet. That'd be a bit over the top for me at this point with her lol.